The Gift of the Twin Houses Page 16

  “Oh yeah!”

  “Good. They’ll like to hear that. Let’s find a calendar,” he said, and as he scanned the coffee table, he noticed the album. “I see you found another treasure left behind in that attic of yours.”

  “It’s an album with the photos of your aunts.”

  “May I?”

  “Of course. It’s yours. Your grandmother left it for you here in your house.” “This is your house, not mine.”

  “This house belonged to Angela. Heather Lewis willed it to her. Although come to think of it, I don’t remember seeing your name or Angela’s on the deed. That’s strange. I don’t remember to whom the house belonged.”

  I must’ve looked bewildered as I sat on the edge of the sofa staring at my future husband because once again he burst out laughing.

  “You sure look funny when you worry like that. You furrow your forehead and you pucker your lips. It makes me want to kiss you.”

  “Well, what are you waiting for?”

  We kissed, laughed, and relaxed back onto the sofa as we looked through the album of photos.

  “I’d like to know how you found out about the Lewis bunch when you’re ready to tell me.”

  “I can tell you right now if you wish.”

  “It can wait. I think this moment is about my aunts. You see, my aunts lived in this house after they finished college. My grandmother gave them the house. The last name on the title was of Casey’s late husband, Tarkington. I only had the power of attorney to sell it for them if the right person came along.”

  “No wonder it didn’t sound familiar. Why did they sell their house?” “We’re about to discover that, aren’t we?”

  “Through this photo album?”

  “And those questions you know how to ask.”

  “Did Deidre ever marry?”

  “No. Never.”

  “Why?”

  “I know some of the story but not all of it. Maybe if we look at the pictures we can piece the whole story together. Want to share your secrets with me?”

  I smiled, and without an ounce of fear, I relaxed and opened myself up for whatever wished to appear before me. Together we were about to join our stories of his twin aunts.

  Their childhood had been a happy one, as they were loved by Angela and Richard and their older brothers, Aidan, Conrad’s dad, and Brady. Angela and Richard made a good-looking couple. Angela’s photos showed her as a tall brunette with a light complexion, a radiant smile, captivating dark eyes, and a composure that conveyed distinctiveness. Richard was a bit taller than his wife, of darker complexion, as virile as Conrad, and just as handsome. Their children were all attractive, well dressed, and all exuded self-confidence. The twins were born in 1925, and clearly the youngest of the bunch. Brady was one year their elder and Aidan was three. The photographs showed a happy family, content with life, with many cheerful pictures of the twins and their brothers all through to their teens. There were photos of the entire family and photos of just the twin girls engaged in play or work, always together, always eyeing each other, always sharing the experience of the photograph.

  Then the pictures stopped for several years, with no photographic memories of the time they spent away from home while in Seattle attending college, having joined their brothers at the University of Washington.

  “Casey and Deidre moved in with Heather Lewis and her daughter, Alice. The boys had their own place near the university where they lived with Michael, Heather’s son,” Conrad added.

  We did find a graduation photograph of the twins in their nursing uniforms.

  “Grandma said that since they were little they knew they would dedicate their lives to the care of others,” Conrad explained.

  Casey met her husband in the hospital where they were first assigned. We found a photograph of Casey and Horace in their wedding garments but no sign of Deidre, Angela, Richard, or their sons.

  What happened next no one really knew, but the pain was apparent in all their faces. The twins came back home with a baby girl but no husband. They lived in what was now my house with Sophia, Casey’s daughter.

  “Are you sure Sophia is Casey’s daughter?” I asked.

  “Everyone thinks so.”

  But the photographs told me a different story. “I think that Sophia is Deidre’s child. Don’t you see that in their eyes?”

  “No, not really. As far as the family is concerned, that was never an issue since they both behaved as Sophia’s mothers.” He paused to glance at the photographs, and then he looked at me.

  “This ability of yours is something else. We never doubted that Sophia was Caseys.

  “Maybe I’m wrong.”

  “I’m not sure. You’ve tapped into that part of the universe that shares the truth. That’s what Grandma used to call it.”

  “Did she?”

  “Looks like you’re picking up where Angela left off.”

  “You think that’s what’s happening? Where did she leave it? What’s missing?”

  The uneasiness of the thought that I had tapped into something Angela had left undone startled me and made me recoil. Instinctively I stood up and walked away from Conrad.

  “No need to run away, Sarah.”

  The kindness in his voice reassured me, and I returned to the sofa and his embrace. I still felt apprehensive and uneasy, and he was well aware of it.

  “I’m not sure what’s in store for me,” I said. “At times it feels like I’m on the verge of uncovering some deep pain or something really awful. It frightens me, and I pull away. I’m not used to it. Feels strange. It scares me.”

  “Still no need to run away. No harm can come of it. Why not just trust it and see what will come?”

  “You’re right. I should. But somehow, I’m still too insecure.” I took a deep breath, hoping to inhale some of his valor.

  He held me in his arms, I settled down, and we continued to remember the lives of the twin aunties as we looked through the album.

  “I sense that part of what I have to unearth concerns your aunts.”

  “Then let’s see what we find out.”

  The photographs of their later years with Sophia showed them going about their happy lives as if nothing had come to pass. Only the lost twinkle in their eyes spoke of untold heartache.

  “My grandma said that the truth of what had happened in Seattle remained buried in their hearts, never allowing the slightest whisper to escape and harm Sophia or me and my siblings. Angela’s advice to them was that the past didn’t define them, that it only helped shape the future they were destined for.”

  Conrad spoke with admiration and compassion about his aunts, and the good they had done for all the folks in these parts. “They tended to the sick and the elderly and, along with Angela, were revered for their kindness and unselfishness. In fact, the twins were the ones that eventually were able to reunite Angela with her mother, Rachel. It turned out that Angela’s momma had never reached her cousin in Montana after selling the house to Heather Lewis. For many years no one knew what had happened to her. She’d just disappeared.”

  “Frightful.”

  “We didn’t think so at the time. Grandma Angela told us that she knew her mother was at peace and that one day they would be reunited, so she never made a fuss over it. She simply waited for the right time, and eventually that moment arrived. Her daughters brought it to her.”

  “How?”

  “For years the twins inquired about Rachel everywhere they went and with everyone they encountered. They were convinced that by spreading the word about their search for their grandmother Rachel, they would find her or at least discover what had taken place, why she had never reached her destination. They researched the many routes to Rachel’s cousin in Montana and traveled them, inquiring about her each step of the way. In the end, one of their patients told them that he’d met a nun, Sister Rachel, during a recent train ride to Montana. He wasn’t sure if this might be the same Rachel they were looking for, given that she was a nun a
nd couldn’t be a grandmother, but thought he’d mention it nonetheless on account of the similarity of the name.”

  “What happened?”

  “The twins didn’t hesitate and immediately followed up. Their efforts were rewarded when they met their grandmother.”

  “What kept her from reaching her cousin’s?”

  “Rachel entered a catholic convent on her way to her cousin’s. On the train to Montana, she’d sat next to a nun and decided right then and there that a life devoted to God and to the service of others would bring her the peace she sought.”

  “Why not tell Angela where she was?”

  “She didn’t know where Angela had gone to. She sent a letter to her cousin explaining what had happened and where she was, but the letter never reached its destination. Rachel had accepted the silence as penitence for quitting on her daughter.”

  The very last photograph in the album was a picture of Rachel in her habit, sitting next to her daughter, Angela. Behind Angela, and holding her hand, stood her husband, Richard. They were in front of their Christmas tree, surrounded by Rachel’s grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

  “Look,” I said, “It’s just like our Christmas tree.”

  “Indeed.”

  “Do you think it’s all right to take this photo out of the album and place it in one of the frames next to Angela’s fourteenth birthday picture and her pa’s photo?”

  “Don’t ask me; you’re the caretaker of the memories.”

  “Then let’s go to the attic to see if we can find its frame.”

  When we entered the attic, the setting sun immersed the room in striking golden rays.

  “Man, oh man! No wonder,” Conrad exclaimed.

  Just as before, we looked into each other’s eyes and knew all that needed to be said without uttering a word.

  It took us no time to find the frame Angela had picked for this photograph, and as the sun disappeared, we left the attic and made our way to Angela’s old room.

  We placed the family picture of Momma surrounded by Angela, Richard, and their children and grandchildren next to her pa’s.

  Conrad put his arm around my waist as we took in the photographs. “This is a nice room. The photos fit in. Are these your folks?”

  “Yes, and my nana.”

  “Good-looking family. Interesting how the pictures go together, your family and mine.”

  “Yes, they are at ease here. Every time I look at these pictures, I feel as if they reach out and caress me. The memories they suggest are filled with warmth and joy. Their honesty is disarming.”

  “You’re in good hands.”

  We turned out the lights and made our way down the hall. As we passed my bedroom, I felt Conrad’s hold, and at once I realized the significance of where we were.

  I tensed and stopped as I succumbed to millions—no, billions—of misgivings. Conrad immediately tightened his grip on my waist and tilted his head to touch mine.

  “Sarah, please don’t fret. There should never be fear or tension between us. If you are not ready, we’ll wait.”

  “Thanks, it’s just that I—”

  “I get it.”

  An awkward silence fell between us, and I felt an emptiness in the pit of my stomach.

  In spite of my refusal to make love, Conrad never let go of my waist, but I noticed some hesitation on his part as we made our way down the stairs. His kiss good-bye was loving and tender yet different.

  I felt shaky, unstable, and insecure through and through.

  Chapter 20

  Slippery Road

  I don’t know how long I paced the living room after he left, or the dining room, let alone my bedroom. As the night went by, my anxiety grew. The old Sarah had taken hold of all my senses, and I could do nothing to bring back peace and calm. Chaos had set in, and terror traveled through my veins.

  The instant the morning awoke, I drove away from my house, away from my valley, away from my newfound self, and away from Conrad.

  I drove following the signs toward Seattle, but with no specific direction, just away from it all, escaping. I couldn’t bear the shame of middle-aged virginity. What would he think of me? How pathetic I’d become, an old maid, a forgotten woman, an abandoned body. How could I confess that I had no sexual experience with men? He would find me repulsive, desolate, pitiful, ridiculous.

  What was I thinking when I accepted his marriage proposal? With marriage comes sex. I should’ve put two and two together. But no, I just gave myself into the happiness of his proposal. Never thought of sex. How could I’ve forgotten about sex? What will I do now?

  Escape, pure and simple escape. It worked before, and it should work now.

  This time however, I had no precise destination, except to follow the road before me, and the signs toward Seattle, all the while asking myself a myriad of questions and absent from my surroundings.

  Then, the snow stopped me. I don’t know how long it had been snowing, but I suddenly noticed that the roads were covered with it that and visibility had diminished to a few feet. I had reached Leavenworth and saw the faint lights of a hotel off the highway. I made my way toward it, parked the car, and checked in.

  I settled into a small, quaint room with Bavarian decor. The warmth of the heater welcomed me. I took a deep breath and allowed myself to relax a bit. I opened the curtains and sat by the window to watch the snowfall. Only then did I notice it was dark again. I had lost an entire day in the labyrinth of my frightened mind.

  As reality set in, I imagined Conrad worried sick about my absence. The cynical Sarah quickly concluded that if he’d indeed been worried, he would’ve called me on my cell. Since I hadn’t received a single call, obviously he had retreated after my refusal. The trusting Sarah, however, sneaked a quick doubt, so I picked up my cell and discovered that I’d turned it off. As soon as it came on I saw there were over fifteen messages, all from Conrad. Fear or not, I should’ve at least had the civility to call and tell him not to worry. Gathering all my courage, I dialed his number.

  “Hi,” I managed to say.

  “Finally!” he shouted. “Why haven’t you answered your cell? Are you all right? Where the hell are you?”

  “I’m all right. I’m at the Bavarian Lodge in Leavenworth.”

  “What on earth are you doing there?”

  “I’m all right. I promise. No need to worry about me.”

  “What got into you leaving like that?”

  “I’m.. .well.. .I’m OK. I’ll call you in the morning. Don’t worry.”

  “Don’t worry? How could I not worry? I don’t know what made you leave and behave like this, but now I’m in charge. I’m coming to get you. You stay put. I’ll be right over.”

  “No! Please. Conrad, please no sense in coming out tonight so far from your home. I’ll wait till the snow stops, and I’ll come home then. I’ll be all right.”

  “I’m already out. I figured you were scared and had bolted. I’ve been combing the highways searching for you. What room are you in?”

  “Four zero seven, but—”

  “I should get there in a few.” With that, he hung up.

  My selfish escape had worried him to such a degree that, regardless of his own safety, he’d been searching for me in the middle of a snowstorm.

  Sarah, what can you possibly tell him when he shows up to justify your selfish actions?

  Time flew by as I worked myself into a frenzy, and before I could come up with any type of sensible explanation, he knocked on the door of my hotel room.

  The minute the door opened, he pulled me to him and held me tightly in his arms. Without letting go of the embrace, he stepped into the room and shut the door behind us. He held me for a long time, easing all his fears and tribulations.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you,” I whispered.

  “Well, you did.”

  Then, he held me arm’s length and stared into my eyes. “ What got into you?

  “I think I was heading for California to se
e my friends.”

  “You think? You’re not sure? Drive all the way to California without telling anyone? Whatever for?”

  I stepped away from him. I couldn’t look at him; my shame was so deep that to steady my nerves I stared out the window at the falling snow. “I thought I needed their advice.”

  “About what? Couldn’t you do it over the phone?”

  “I didn’t think of that.”

  “Sarah, look at me.”

  I turned toward him and saw his beautiful eyes pleading for an answer. “What’s the matter? What’s happened? Please tell me.”

  “I’m afraid.”

  “Of what? Of Angela? The stories you hear, the—”

  “No,” I interrupted, “it’s not that, although that’s still unsettling.”

  “Then what?”

  I knew I couldn’t hide it from him, so I took a deep breath, lowered my eyes, and confessed. “I’ve never experienced intimacy with a man.”

  There, I said it. My shame, fully exposed stood between us. As strongly as I wished to take back my words, I knew it had to be said sooner or later. After all, I had accepted his marriage proposal. Nonetheless, terror consumed me. My heart beat so fast and intensely, I thought it might burst right out of my chest.

  As he walked toward me, I stopped him. “Conrad, please don’t come closer or I won’t be able to tell you what.. .well, what I need to say.”

  He stopped in spite of his desire to hold me in his arms. I could feel his need to reassure me, to give me strength, to support me. But I needed to be strong for my own sake and to be honest with him.

  “I accepted your marriage proposal without thinking of what would come next.”

  “Do you want to wait until after we are married? Is that it?”

  “No. It’s not about being prudish. It’s about.it’s about.it’s about.. .well not knowing what to do. It’s so.. .embarrassing.”

  Conrad continued to respect my request for space. He simply smiled. “So you have little experience. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

  “Yes, there is. Please hear me out.” Might as well put it all out there. I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. “I was left at the altar many years ago, innocence intact, and never got close to any man again. My fiance blamed my fear of intimacy when he dropped me.”